Friday, October 28, 2005

Festivus Now!

Christmas is under attack, we're told, by the usual suspects. Hippies, basically. Multi-culti left wingers, determined to stamp out anything that smacks of Western, imperial, white, Christian, traditional, Anglo, capitalist, parochial, patriotic, meritocratic, individualist, globalist, colonialist repression. No more "Merry Christmas!" in schools, Christmas trees in public spaces, etc. Whew!

Sigh. Newsflash! - for most people, "Merry Christmas!" and "Happy Holidays!" are interchangable expressions, and have been for years. Santa Claus, Christmas trees, etc., are part of a secular holiday that, while connected with the Christian religious celebration, is also thing unto itself. We have no problem understanding this, just like people have managed to understand how civil marriage and a "church marriage" are related but separate things.

If someone says to me "Happy Chanukah!", I may wonder why they think I'm Jewish, but I wouldn't be offended. Are non-Christians really offended when they hear "Merry Christmas!"? If so, they are very rare exceptions, in my opinion. "Happy Holidays!" is always there, of course, if you want to be non-sectarian, but that plural and the breathy consonance weaken it as an exclamation. It's time for Festivus!

Yeah, just like in that Seinfeld episode. Non-denominational, inclusive, whacky, made-for-TV Festivus; it's a holiday for everyone. It's singular, and the F makes it cool! "Fantastic Festivus!" "Funky Festivus!" "Freaky Festivus!" "Fabulous!" Even "F-word Festivus!", if you're in a bad mood. You can't go wrong with this holiday. Bothered by the "official" Festivus traditions? Make up your own - who's gonna stop you? If they even try, just grab your Festivus Pole and make them think again! "Fighting Festivus!" "Furious Festivus!" "Festivus Freedom Forever!"


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